i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
