Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
