Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
