awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
