It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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