shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
