Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
