I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
