Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
