i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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