We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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