tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
