so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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