...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
