What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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