You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
