Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
