I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
