I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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