I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
