Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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