and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
