So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
