remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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