Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
