In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
