the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
