I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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