just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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