Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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