I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
