i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
