i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
