The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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