just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
