why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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