Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
