Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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