dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
