capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
