She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
