i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
