i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
