He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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