Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
