i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
