we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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