I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
