Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
