Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
