thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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